Every since I was a kid I have been fascinated by Human Behavior. It was never enough for me to notice what people were doing. I wanted to know why they were doing what they were doing. People that know me now find this hard to believe but I was very introverted and shy as a child. I could count the times I smiled on one hand well into my late teens.
Last night I went to a venue in my hometown that I perform at on a regular basis. I enjoy going there because most of the staff as well as the owner are friends of mine. I always have a good time and am well taken care of. I “posted up” next to the bar and decided to have fun just watching people. You can learn so much by just watching people.
Try this sometime. Go out and do not drink for an entire evening and just observe humans in a club environment. It is incredibly fascinating as well as disheartening in a way as well.
It will not take you long to realize that easily 90% of the people in an club environment have no idea what they are doing and definitely do not realize why they are doing it. Now if you asked them what they were doing in that environment they would have a quick answer to your question. Generally a “canned response” but at some level they are just responding to the stimulus around them in a reactionary way and usually seeking “validation”
Last night I watched four good looking college guys that were in shape and seemed like great guys approach a set of girls to my left at the bar. As they were within earshot of me I observed and listened to the entire interaction. It went something like this.
Guys: Hey guys what’s up?
Girls: We are celebrating my friends Birthday!
Guys: What’s your names?
After a quick name exchange and some other idle banter the “beta female” of the group suggest to the guy that initiated the conversation “OMG” you should buy us a round of shots for my friends birthday! Out comes the guys wallet and he buys a round of shots.
They do they the shots and she gives the guy a hug, “I should add here that her body language when giving him the hug was almost like she was giving him condolences” After the shots one of the girls grabs her friend and says: “OMG” we have to go dance!” I have always found that hilarious.
Is there ever really a time that you just have to go dance?
I definitely have had to pee before. But I can say in all my 37 years I have never had to go dance. So off went the girls and the 4 guys were left standing $12 in the hole.
I had a blast watching this scenario and kept my post anticipating my next entertainment. Within minutes the same mini-tribe of girls were back at the bar and I watched a similar scenario unfold not once but three times.
I will give credit to the leader of these “Power Puff Girls” She was working this birthday thing to it’s maximum potential. I began to wonder if there really even was a birthday among the coven.
As beta-female was starting to get a buzz from all these shots she mad eye-contact with me and I knew what was coming. She leans in towards me and says “you are dressed weird.”
I guess anything that does not say “Hollister” or “Von Dutch” is weird in her world.
But OK so on with the fun. I responded with “Thank You, I am glad that you like it”
I actually find it quite a compliment to be called weird, especially in this culture of sheep we live in. It is very comforting to stand out from the crowd and have a strong identity. So this girl smiles and decides that I have to meet her friend.
This is an interesting group that seems to “have to do a lot of things”
She introduces me to her friend and here comes the punchline. This is blah blah blah and it’s her birthday. You should buy us a round of shots! I got a good laugh out of this and I had a hard time controlling my laughter.
Speaking of weird it is very funny the feeling you get when you know something is coming. I decide to “interrupt this pattern” of social behavior I was observing right here and now. I take my money clip out and show her my money and I say to her:
“Who’s money is this?” I could tell immediately she wasn’t expecting this response so she changes the subject and says “OMG your money clip is so cool” and she reaches for it. At this point I back up and she starts following me as I do. I put my money back in my pocket and than she reverts back to her original modus operandi, “why won’t you buy us shots”? So I tell her, “I don’t know you from a fucking hole in the wall.”
I am still backing up as I say this and this girl is following me like she is a horse and I have a carrot in front of her. At this point my friend (bouncer) who is watching this suggest to the girl. “Why don’t you buy him a shot?” A great response by the way and I am going to steal that one.
At this point she was working so hard I guess it seemed like an easier thing to do. So she says yeah! let me buy you a shot. I do not like shots and I especially do not like Jagermeister which her and the her crew were guzzlin so I told her. “I’ll have a beer, Coors Original” I extend my arms and walk her and her friend arm to arm to the bartender and she makes the purchase and hands me my beer.
At this point my evening could not have been anymore interesting and fun yet there was more on the horizon. I noticed that the original group of guys that approached the “birthday girls” was standing next to me watching this entire scenario unfold. I cut the thread with “shot girl” and continued conversation with her friend all the while noticing that the 4 guys were staring at me.
I want to mention that these guys were not threatening to me in anyway and I kind of was curious about them.
Finally the leader of the pack approached me and asked me my name. He mentioned to me that he liked my band and he asked if he could buy me a beer. Alcohol is a very funny thing and I always remember something funny that the brilliant comedian Bill Maher said about clubs:
“You know why they call clubs “clubs”?
Because in caveman times when a man wanted a woman he would just “bonk” her over the head with a club. Take her back to his cave, have sex with her and start a family. In modern times this is not acceptable behavior so we now have “clubs” were alcohol is our modern day club we use to “bonk” women over the head and get them home to the cave.
That was relevant to this story so I had to say it here. So this kid buys me a beer and we start talking about music and bands and stuff. Then he says to me. “Can I ask you a question?” I say yes and he says “what did you say to that girl over there earlier to get her to buy you a drink?” Me and my friends have been trying to talk to them all night and they just keep blowing us off.
Now keep in mind I like this guy and he seems like a great guy. But I knew I needed to say something to him that would “interrupt his pattern” and wake him up. So here is what I said to him. (Keep in mind sometimes I use strong language to break open peoples guard and help them learn, this is something I learned from Anthony Robbins) I said to him:
“Do you really want to know what you and your friends problem is?”
He said yes, so I said to him “You are all pussies!” He looked shocked and his friends looked mad so I explained to him. You came across as too needy. I was standing here earlier this evening and I saw you buy those girls drinks and approach them. I think this biggest think that fucked you up is caring what the chick is thinking. If you want to meet them meet them and tell them why. Don’t buy them drinks because you want them to like you. Come from a position of strength! Don’t care what she is thinking.
This does not mean that you should not try to be understanding it just means don’t care what a specific chick is thinking at specific time. Just don’t care, if you do you’ll be thinking for 2 people while she is probably not thinking at all. ( I can almost guarantee she is not thinking) women tend to operate on an emotional basis not a logical one.
Just let it go and definitely let go of your ego. What you are thinking about that is going on in her mind is exactly that. It is what you think is going on. And it is probably wrong. Stop thinking what she is thinking and stop thinking for her. You’ll end up with less worries, have twice the brainpower available for yourself, and will come across as more direct and powerful. I have a brilliant group of friends in my social circle and this is the greatest asset a man can have. This list is my friends rules for not becoming a “social robot” and staying out of the herd.
Like Scott Alexander says. Be a Rhinonoceros and Take Charge! Here are the rules.
1. Don’t care what people are thinking especially women
2. Don’t forget Rule #1
3. Follow Through, If you say you are going to do something do it!
4. Have Control-Keep Control, you either have control or you don’t
5. Make Rules and Stick to them
6. Don’t break your own rules ever! Once you break one of your own rules you begin to lose control.
7. Have a structure and stick to it. No matter what, be consistent!
8. When part of your structure doesn’t work consistently, analyze that part, figure out why it doesn’t work and repair just that part. Do not replace your whole structure just because one aspect of it doesn’t work right.
9. Be Aggressive and direct, do not beat around the bush. People do not have a clue what you want. Especially women tell them. Just don’t be crude about it.
10. Don’t Lie, you don’t have to give them the whole truth, either. Just don’t lie, it’s not worth it. The truth is always better and it’s easier to remember. “The best lie is the truth.”
11. Be decisive and lead-People will respect you for it!
Remember “Wisdom comes from experience and experience comes from mistakes. You can only gain a lot of experience by making a lot of mistakes. So go out and make a lot of mistakes!