Old men are cool!

December 8th, 2008 Posted in Uncategorized

Every since I was a youth I have always had friends that were older and adults that were mentors.

In this month’s issue of “The Lion’s Den” my interview series. I hold court with my friend phenomenal jazz guitarist Clint Strong. In our chat Clint talks about the fact that when he was 9 years old all of his friends were adults and he never hung around anyone his age. Clint is an amazing person and so full of jokes and stories and tales about life that the wisdom he espouses just had to be a result of the mature friends he had.

One of the traits I look for in a girl is that she has a great relationship with her father. If she has a great relationship with her father she will be much more likely to choose a strong balanced and mature individual for a mate. This is why a girl with a strong relationship with her father is often attracted to older men who are more mature and don’t play games.

Girl’s with “Daddy issues” are sometimes attracted to older men as well but for all the wrong reasons. They are often trying to find the father they never had or that was absent. These types also are attracted to the “stripper pole” Girls who have fantastic relationships with their father rarely gravitate towards “the pole”

On the other hand girls that have bad relationships with their father or that do not have a strong “alpha male” type father figure in their life tend to date “little boys”.

They want a mouse, not a man.

So they will find someone they have to “take care of” and babysit. It is a very funny thing to see but it is a very serious problem in our culture.

I have a friend that has a very unstable relationship with her father. She wasted no time getting to the “pole” the minute she turned eighteen. It was like clockwork, she finally got out of that line of work as it just about destroyed her life since she didn’t have strong enough “boundaries” to avoid cocaine and all the other amenities that come with that lifestyle. Now she is either bartending or cocktail waitressing and living paycheck to paycheck. There is always more “month” left at the end of the month than money at the end of the month.

This girl is pretty and an incredible dancer. She could easily have her own dance studio. Over the years I have noticed something about her that is very interesting and revealing about the importance of “early imprinting” in raising a child and or family.

I could put this girl in a room with 400 guys, 399 of them could be stable, financially independent, strong alpha-male types that would treat her well and with Honesty, Trust and Respect. Unequivocally without a doubt, she would be attracted to and find the one “bad apple” in the group that would abuse her, lie to her, and participate in completely unhealthy rampant drug use with her.

She will walk right up to him and pick him out of the crowd. It is a fascinating thing to watch!

I have seen her do this so many times it was an amazing lesson to me in how important early childhood development with stability is. She would not even have an ounce of attraction to someone who would be good for her at all. I see an incredible amount of this, so much that it is dis-heartening.

So I thought it would be fun to “hold court” for a while in this blog and just lay some stuff on you guys. I have to tell you my good friend Aaron Pendland, who is an amazing artist told me a few days ago. That it is OK if I just post a short snippet on my blog once in a while. I think he is right and i want to but there is so much I have to say about this subject this is going to be another long one;

OK, Let’s get started;

Women mature faster than men do, tis’ a fact. There are a lot of reasons for this, but it is what it is.
My “birth mother” was 14 when she gave birth to me. Think about that 14 years old.

Think about this;

How would a 18 year old girl date an 18 year old guy?

I was an 18 year old guy once, and I was completely immature and a knucklehead. There is a balance to all of this. Women would benefit massively and it should be “mandatory” that a girl date a guy at least 10 years older than she is. Likewise younger guys would massively benefit from dating older women that could teach them a thing or two.

The classic, what some people call a “cougar” is a prime example. These 18 -25 year old guys that are basically “human tri-pods” that just want something to “poke on” could learn and benefit from meeting a “cougar”.

You see a “cougar” has been there and done that. She bought into the script and and often married and had kids with what society dictated she should do. When that went South and she ended up divorced she got back in the field and started doing what she wanted to do. She took care of #1 herself. This is why she is perfect for the “fetus” (the young knucklehead guy).

She can teach him the ropes!

You see great timber does not grow with ease, the stonger the wind the greater the trees.

Everything cool I have learned from older guys. Let’s start with the car I drive:

Look at that thing! I have to tell you one of my mentors John Aruzian (who you will meet later in this blog) got me started with these Crown Victoria’s.

Pat Riley the famous basketball coach drives one as well. He is a suave, sophisticated older guy and someone I look up to as well. The Crown Victoria is spacious, elegant and regal. Yet it has an almost subtle but not so subtle intimidating factor to it.

You can tell in an elegant way, don’t fuck with the guy driving this car.

I will tell you who knows cars, Black guys! I get more compliments on my car from black guys than anyone. You see boys drive cars that they think will impress girls. You know the typical red sports car or the “fast and furious” type little toys with the rims and all the “hey look at me I exist” trimmings.

The Crown Vic is a car you would drive for yourself. Try one sometime and just feel the absolute elegance and attention to detail. Brother’s drive the car they want to drive and they do it on their own terms. My good friend “Big Dog” was over tonight and he was telling all these great stories about his Grandfather who was a pimp and a preacher. He always drove a Cadillac!

There is a great story about this car. The day I bought it from Bill Utter Ford in Denton, I needed to drive to my good friend genius photographer James Bland’s house to pick up some photos. My girlfriend at the time Erin Gilmore came with me.

She liked the car because it has a mirror with lighting on each side on the passenger side so she could do her makeup.

The car was brand new and still had the paper license plate on the window. While we were at James house perusing the photos I looked out the window to check on my new car. It was so cute, there was this little 90 year old man out there just walking the perimeter of the car and checking it out. I told Erin, “Go out there and chat with him and make his day. He loved that car and I feel we can learn so much about quality from older guys!

Another one of my mentors Allan Holdsworth who is 62 years young took a liking to my Crown Vic as well. So much he even bought one for himself, he talks about it constantly and he is English and a man that knows his “gadgetry” He lives in a retirement community next to a golf course in San Juan Capistrano California. He has related to me that all the old guys stop by and stand around his Crown Vic with their hands on their hips and talk about how cool his car is as well.

Let’s talk about Beer, Frank Zappa said it himself. You can’t oficially declare yourself a country if you don’t have your own beer. I concur and couldn’t agree more. You know what little boy’s drink?

Yep, you guessed it light beer, and what do they market the most to colleges which are rife with “little boys” (frat guys and etc.)

Bud Light, Miller Light and Coors Light…

And what do they market it with?


When in reality a man would never drink those beers. They are for cream puffs. Isn’t it ironic?
I am going to Germany on the 18th and I am looking forward to it. In Germany they have a law;

It’s called “Reinheitsgebot” It is a German purity law established in 1516 that forbids the use of anything but Hops in the brewing of beer.

You know what they use in Bud Light and Coors light and etc?

You guessed it, corn or rice, Why? Because it’s cheap. I learned a lot about beer from older guys as well. You know what a lot of older guys drink?

Coors Original!

Here is a beer that has 3 nicknames:

1. Colorado Kool-Aid (my favorite)
2. Yellow Bellies
3. Banquet Beer

What other beer has 3 nicknames?

This beer is a “Pilsner” and was so good it used to be smuggled all over the country from Colorado. In the movie “Smokey and The Bandit”, Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reed (great guitar player) are smuggling “Colorado Kool-Aid” out of Colorado. A Classic movie!

You see an older guy is like an Oak tree, he has been around awhile, he has roots and he is strong. Remember as I said earlier, “Great timber does not grow with ease, the stronger the wind the stronger the tree.

Most girls these days lack an “Oak Tree” in their life. It’s not their fault, it’s due to the “imprinting” we spoke of earlier. They have no strong examples in their life as a reference at all.

So they choose “saplings” and “twigs” as mates and try and mold them. But by mothering and wasting their time on these “fetuses” they never allow the “sapling” to get tough and grow some “balls” and become a man. Let’s look at today’s supposed “rock star” as an example:

This is the “sapling” that most women drag home these days:

Look how his legs look like “parentheses” (kind of resembles a twig doesn’t it)

And the godawful trucker hat? Zeeeeeeeeeesh. This is to quote my good friend Nick Russo, “a damn shame!”

That’s a rock star?

In Denton and Austin, TX where I spend the majority of my time these “twigs” are a dime a dozen.
There are variations on a theme but the basic drill is the same. Some may have “woodshop glasses” and the some other “emo misgivings” but the saddest fact with these clowns is that it is fashionable to be a “hack” and not be very good. Remember the movie “Slacker” very Austin and that is the breed.

I say Fuck that!

Here is my idea of a Rockstar!

Yngwie Malmsteen! No matter what you think of him you can’t say he doesn’t know how to play his guitar! And he looks like a rock star. Look at the Gold chains and the outfit. Reminds me of Elvis!

Here is a picture of me at 16 with my high school sweetheart Lupe. Isn’t she pretty. Because of Yngwie I practiced my ass off and got a nice skill set on the guitar. As funny as I look here and I am proud to share this with you, at least there are no photos of me looking like that douchebag with the “trucker hat”

I still have that Les Paul by the way. My mom said “If you stick with lessons for a year, I will buy you your dream guitar, and she did.

Here is the moral to the story;

They say a “picture is worth a thousand words”…

So much of the rest of this post will be pictures with a few comments.

Ladies, if you truly want to be happy in life. Date an older man.

Are there exceptions? Of course but 96% of the time you will be better off and you won’t have to babysit “boys”. That’s what children are for…

If you want a baby, find an older man that can provide that stability and that knows what he wants in life. That way you can relax under the Oak Tree and “be alive” and have a real “baby” with him.

Here is an great picture of an Oak tree (an older man)

Now ladies, you have to ask yourself,

Would you like to sit down and read a book under that tree? Or this one?

Would you rather date this guy:

Or this one:

Let’s do this again, so you make sure and get my drift:

Would you rather date these “assclowns”

Or just maybe, just maybe… this guy

You know what, to hammer home my point and because the 3rd time is the charm. Here you go:

These douchebags:

Or a real man;

Here is me with my father’s friend Racehorse Haynes and my buddy Rafe Foreman. This is after Racehorse walked into a courtroom in Denton on my behalf. The case was dropped after we stood our ground and got our “oaktree” on. Racehorse is 80 years young and still practicing law.

You see you have to respect your elders, they have been there and done that! They know the ropes.
We need quality people in our lives and like fine wine age brings wisdom. I love life and even though I live in the moment. I cherish the days when I am 80 and as cool as my grandmother and Racehorse and Hugh Hefner and all these other cool cats.

Here is one of my favorite older friends, Jim O’neill;

Jim is my good friend Trey Smith’s Grandfather. This is at his 80th birthday in Cameron, TX. At the party his daughter’s joked that they should get him a 40 year old girlfriend…

He snapped back, “can you get me 2 twenties?

There is my kind of man.

Here is me and Bill Dear. Who was like a second father to me:

We were talking about a picture being worth a thousand words?

Here is a prime example;

Here is Cameron Diaz with a “baby tree” you see how this picture parallels most pictures of girls with their “boyfriends”?

No wonder she found Justin Timberlake and his “trucker hat” attractive. She is attracted to a “mouse” not a “man” She likes the K-Feds and the Timberlakes and etc, of Mice and Men.

Here is a couple of shots and me and my mentor John Aruzian. John is crazy but in a exceptional way. He is without a doubt better at reading people and dealing with people than anyone I have ever met. He walks his talk and I have learned more about life and girls from him than anyone I have ever met. This is after he and his daughter Heather came to see me on his 69th birthday.

Here John is relating to me the beauty and zen of watering the garden by hand and using that time to get your thoughts together:

I have learned more from just talking to this guy than I did in any classroom anywhere!

Alright my friend, thanks for hanging in there with me through this lengthy post. I feel like a kindred spirit with you thus far and this was all for a reason…

I have told you none of this to impress you, just to impress upon you the importance and the beauty of those who have come before us. Our mentors, Our Fathers, Our Mothers and the few, the 4% who are awake and get it.

I end this post with a photo of my Dad, 80 years young at Pappa Brothers Steakhouse in Houston, TX where I took him and my mom and sister for his birthday. He is my hero and he taught my work ethic. He taught me to fish and hunt. He married my mom 56 years ago and they are still together. Most of all…

He taught me Unconditional Love…

It wouldn’t matter what path I chose in life he would have stood behind me.

The best way to lead is to get behind the people!

Here he is macking a fried oyster at his 80th Birthday!

Much Love to all of you and thanks for staying with me on this long winded post!

Like fine wine and Oak Trees we are better with age and to embrace that is true divinity!

All of my Love!


  1. 5 Responses to “Old men are cool!”

  2. By salam matsuda on Dec 19, 2008

    Allright Mr Keyes, I agree and disagree with this entry. I too find it annoying just seeing people like the “saplings” in the pics you posted. But you know, there are exceptions to your old people are cool theory, and I’m not just saying that just cause I’m 15. Maybe you just know a lot of old people that are cool

  3. By Francis on Dec 28, 2008

    Yes, yes ,yes, a cougar for every young guy even if its just for a night! I’m 5 1/2 years older than my wife of 26 tears and when I was young it made me mad when girls my age went out with older guys instead of us “cool young guys” and now I know why. And I agree with your friend, when I turn 80 I want 2 20 year olds to love me till I can’t breath no more! I will explain my demise to the keeper of the pearly gates and if he won’t let me in than I will know that I don’t want to be there anyway!!!


  4. By Amar on Oct 22, 2011

    Why are you celebrating these cantankerous old shrivel dicks? All they do is whine and complain. It’s like the fucking cast of Grumpy Old Men!

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