Be forewarned, do not read this if your are prudish and or easily offended.
This is a radically honest blog written straight from the heart and I intend to be honest and straightforward. Am I perfect and some kind of expert on relationships? Hell No, but I have been in a lot of them and I know what I want. This may not be suitable for some younger folks. Please use your discretion in showing this to them. I would talk to my children about this stuff but I am very “wyrrd” and definitely not a part of the “herd” so here we go:
As many of you may have noticed I took a sabbatical from the internet, especially in the last month. My mom needed some help navigating through the jungle of health care that we have here in the US. So I spent the last 3 weekends plus a few days in Houston getting her balanced.
We will all realize eventually that life comes full circle and that eventually your parents become your children.
The roles reverse and it is a beautiful thing to give back the love that you were given as a child when you were helpless.
I had a lot of time to feel in the 5 hour drive it takes to get there and back. Let’s see;
5 hours there
5 hours back that is a total of 10
Did that 3 weeks straight so 3X10 = 30 hours.
I did not listen to the radio at all or any CD’s.
Completely quiet the entire time so I could just “be alive” and have a self encounter.
Thought a lot about why relationships are such a mess these days. I mean nobody get’s it.
I also thought of how hard it is to for just about anyone at all to have a real relationship.
Everyone is divorced or unhappy or even worse trying to put on a facade that they have it all together.
My Mom and Dad have been married 60 years and are still in “Love” and inseparable.
Sure they have their spats but growing up I never even once doubted the equanimity of their bond and their never was a question of whether they would divorce or have an affair or abuse each other?
I couldn’t even fathom it or imagine them ever divorcing in any fashion and they never will. They say there are no guarantees. Believe me I can guarantee they are a shining example of “til death do us part.
Were they crazy?
Hell yeah! and so were me and my sister and all the neighbors and their kids but we never doubted the bond they had and still have.
Where does this all come from? Why are things so messed up. It’s very simple and I will tell you:
It comes from a simpler time. A time when people where real and authentic and consistent.
We are a nation of liars. Almost no one is true and real anymore. Just like Chris Rock says:
“When you meet people, you don’t meet them, you meet their representatives”.
I heard a great interview on NPR today with University of Massachusetts based psychologist Robert Feldman, whose new book is “The Liar in Your Life: The Way to Truthful Relationships” (Twelve, 2009).
Are you a liar? Do you, like most people, tell an average of three lies every ten minutes? The ubiquity and the cost of everyday deception is huge. I first became “hyper-aware” of this when I read the book “Radical Honesty” by Brad Blanton. It is one of the best books I ever read.
It changed my life, it is a book that after you read it you realize you didn’t even need to read it if you just read the title alone it says it loud and clear. I have to tell you I have never met the author Brad but I have always suspected he wrote the book because he wanted to get laid.
I will ask him that when I meet him, hows that for “Radical Honesty”
4 of my mentors are shining examples of this and I think this is what attracted me to them and their work.
Sadly those days are over my friend. We now live in a different world. A world of infinite choice.
When I was a kid there were 3 TV stations…
NBC, ABC and CBS
A few years later we got FOX (Rupert Murdoch)
My parents still do not have cable and they also have a rotary phone.
During Hurricane Ike my parents were the only home on the street that had phone service.
Why? because my father refused to join the grid years ago and still had a “Thomas Edison” old school “talking wire” i.e. “copper line”.
During the hurricane when the power was out, i talked to my folks everyday and it was comforting to know they were OK. I couldn’t speak with any of my friends in Houston for 3 weeks because they were “on the grid” and all cell phones and digital, fiber optic stuff was “dead in the water”
This leads to what is wrong with the world today.
There is too much choice and no one can stay focused anymore.
I never watch TV yet I have Verizon FIOS?
I have over 1,000 channels.
Look at Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and all the myriad social media. How could anyone focus?
Especially on a mate and being present?
The average female has had 10 lovers before she marries in our present culture.
Think about that and what that does to her?
We all know that the divorce rate is 50-60 percent now.
I would argue it is 1000 percent.
Let me prove it to you.
If a woman has had on average 10 sexual partners before marriage what does this truly say?
It says that 10 guys that she (let’s be nice here) “made love” with didn’t work out prior to marriage.
So technically she at least “psychologically” has had ten divorces. Even a one night stand has the potential to “call a soul” to the world without the convenience of birth control.
You see where I am going with all of this?
Let’s not “hold back” here what is the potentiality of making love and a love bond?
Calling a soul to the world.
Having a child.
Let’s not reduce the act of having sex with another person of the opposite sex down to a couple of meat puppets jumping up and down and squirting. There is much more to at stake when we make love. She has the potential to get pregnant and that is deep my friend. Whatever your views are on abortion no one likes to have one and would be proudly talking about it if they did.
I am adopted and my mom was 14 and chose to have me and I am glad she did. I have this amazing life because she took responsibility and let the vine of my soul touch the earth.
This is precisely why “nature” made sex so enjoyable. It’s pleasurable so we will do it as much as possible because that ensures the survival of the species. Our biology wants that.
Ever notice why a couple that can’t get along for nothing and practically want to kill each other will stay together because “the sex is so good”
That’s natures way of keeping them together. That’s how strong the sex drive is.
Nature is not stupid.
That is the whole point of mating.
That is precisely why a “real woman” is very selective about who she mates with.
She only has very few precious eggs and she has to make sure she doesn’t waste them on some idiot.
Just because we have “birth control” and condoms and whatever means of “foiling nature”
Let’s be honest.
Women’s lib and feminism were major proponents of bringing the rights of women equal to those of men.
I have a major problem with that. I feel it didn’t nothing for women. It sure as hell didn’t elevate them.
I have have said for years that all men are scum and dogs. I tell women when they meet me that.
I tell them “All men are scum and dogs, I have just been working on not being that for the last 40 years”. And I have and I know a thing or to about relationships and I can tell you emphatically.
Relationships are are a lot of hard work and people today just do not have the “character” to handle that. I do not lie and I do not cheat and I am extremely honest in my relationships. I am honest to a point were it makes most people uncomfortable even the person that I am in a relationship with.
All feminism and Women’s liberation did was bring women down to the level of men. And there is not much to be said for that.
Men and Women are both evolved to last about 4 to 4 1/2 years in a pair bond until the baby is capable of independent survival and then we move on. All of this bullshit out there by all these uneducated people writing all these books that think you can make it work. You cannot make it work.
Evolution wants you as a man wants you to go knock up some other woman. Evolution wants the women to go get a different mate, have a different baby from a different man, so she has 2 chances of her DNA getting into the future. The first husband who knocked her up might have something wrong with him. Evolution teaches her she only has 5 chances max to have a baby. That is why women are so picky. When the baby is 4 to 4 1/2 years old she is looking for another man no matter what she says.
Ideally she has 4-5 chances to get her DNA in the future. Evolution is designed to get the two of you together and get that baby to 4 to 4 1/2 years old and get that baby to where it can survive on it’s own. You have to remember 99% of evolution was designed on the Savannah in Africa.
In ovulation, day one, the day the period starts 14 days after that she is going to drop an egg out of her ovary down into her fallopian tubes down into her uterus and when the eggs start to ripen her hormones start flowing to get her to mate. They get her thinking about mating and on the 14th day (this is a woman who has a 28 day period which most women do) she exposes far more skin than she does any day of the month. Feminist hate this, but it’s a fact.
The other thing that happens is on the 14th day women are attracted to a manly man. Someone with some balls to fight and kill. This is what they like, the rest of their period they like guys who would make a good dad and stay home and help raise the kids. So they are all over the place in a month.
This is why a lot of women are impregnated by a man who is not the husband. The estimates are that 15 % of all babies born in hospitals across all socio-economic lines, not just the ghetto, from the top to the bottom 15 % are by someone other than the guy who thinks he the father.
I have two close friends that are psychiatrist and they have seen this constantly in practice for over 30 years time after time. Where to keep a couple together they have to hide the fact that the woman had an affair and cannot tell the husband because he would reject the child.
So as a man, how do you get around all of this? You have to be real and you have to understand women better than they do themselves otherwise you will always be thinking too much. You have to believe in Love and I mean real Love from strength. Not this pansy idea of love we have forced down our throats in the movies and self-help books.
There are only two things you ever can control in a relationship and that is it.
1. How you treat the other person.
2. How you allow the other person to treat you.
It is that simple folks and it takes an incredible amount of courage to get there.
Think about it, if you don’t want to be manipulated, don’t manipulate people.
When another person exhibits behavior towards you that is unacceptable. Walk away.
This is not always easy because we all have an ego that we must keep in check.
I am much aware of this than most people and I still mess this stuff up all the time. I fall off the wagon but I have to tell it get’s better all the time because we learn from our mistakes. That’s why they hurt so much. That is natures’ way of making sure you remember them. Like John Cougar says;
“It hurts so good”
I have had my ass kicked in relationships up and down the block and all around.
My last 4 girlfriends have all been a lot younger than me and my friends are constantly asking me how I do it. It is very simple, I know what I want and I accept nothing less and I am willing to accept the risk of getting hurt to find true love. That is what we all want. A loving, caring, sharing romantic relationship that stands the test of time. I want to have children, quite a few so it is very natural that I would be attracted to a very fertile younger woman that has the desire and the ability to do the same. It is not realistic to do that with some one my age unless I have a doctor inject her with drugs so we can have a “litter” of 8 kids at once like the “Octomom”
I don’t want that, it’s not natural and it’s just plain carnival material.
I am being honest, plus men mature much slower than women.
I have said it before, there is no way a 19 year old woman can date a 19 year old boy and be truly happy. In maturation terms a 19-21 year old boy is like dating a fetus.
Hell, I am a 40 years young which in “man’s maturation” years makes me about 17 years old.
I can prove this to anybody just give me about 10 minutes with anyone and I can cut through all of their bullshit and prove that they just want to be loved.
“I don’t want to be in a relationship right now” = BULLSHIT
“I just want to be single, I am not ready for a relationship” = BULLSHIT
Anyone that tells you otherwise is lying to you.
When I first start to date a girl, I always ask them, “If you could do anything you wanted in the world, there was zero chance of failure what would you do?”
The one’s that have been truthful have said, “I want to be a mother and have a wonderful child or children”
Anything else such as “I don’t want to have kids ever” or “I just want to travel” is already indicative of a traumatic childhood and the latter of running from something or problems.
My mind is sharp and I work daily on keeping it sharp and my questions slice right through the bullshit to the core.
It’s because I am honest and straightforward. I have said this before and I will say it again. I scare a lot of people off when they meet me. Generally one of two things happen when you meet me.
I either scare the shit out of you or you are intrigued.
Most often I scare people off but is that really a surprise in a nation full off manipulative liars?
Rejection means nothing to me, if anything Rejection is just Gods way of protecting me.
Rejection is God’s protection.
I want real people in my life and being honest and assertive will prevent other people from keeping me from getting my goal.
The biggest kind of liar we see in the female population is what my friend calls “The Wholesome Pretender” This is the girl that wants to give off the public impression that she is innocent wholesome, virtuous and all about monogamous relationships.
This type of girl says things like “You know how hard it is for me to have sex with someone” They will give you the false impression that their most glaring of virtues are their indefinite sense of sexual self-control, their erotic patience and conservatism and virgin like prudence. They are often from a small town and raised with a lot of religion.
Remember the word religion is derived from the latin word religgio, which means to bind over and over. That is where the “re” prefix comes from, “re” meaning over and over like in re-play and re-wind.
Someone like me is very attractive initially to a girl like this because I am a challenge. But behind the curtain of the image she is portraying is a mess and be forewarned it’s not as pretty as the outside.
Specifically because the very things that she is espousing to want she knows nothing of because she has never experienced it. So when she gets that very thing she wants it scares the hell out them and they run for the hills or off to the next challenge.
Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.
Raising a child by controlling them with “religgio” always leads to neurosis and zero faith in true love.
Read “Children of the Future” by Wilhelm Reich for an awesome breakdown of this tragic phenomena.
Women are not the only manipulators though, Oh no. The classic liar is the “Nice Guy” as well as the “Macho bad boy” types. They are both manipulators as well and just as obvious is their game.
A “Nice Guy” is one of the worst because he tells women what they want to hear because he wants something. But he is not man enough to tell her what he wants. It’s all based in bullshit. The nice dinners, the extravagant gifts and the trips and blah blah blah.
The “bad boy” is just that, a pathetic boy that has figured out in his reptilian brain that he can mask his fear of women by projecting a fake confidence. He attracts little girls that equally like a challenge and it’s what happens in the “kiddie pool” and “sandbox” of relationships.
I know this has been a little “long winded” but keep in mind this is the result of over 30 hours of pondering this crazy world we live in. Let me wrap up with this;
What is your greatest dream that you would like to accomplish while you are on this earth?
Think about this for a minute before you read on…
Now picture that goal and imagine God appearing at your bed one morning and saying to you:
” I have chosen you to realize your dream and you can have everything you wanted before you leave this earth and “cash in your chips”
However there is one condition…
“I have to cut your cock and balls off”
Would you do it?
Hell no you wouldn’t and I have asked this questions hundreds of times to people from all walks of life and not a damn one of them said yes.
Women the same applies would a woman of birthing age willingly give her eggs away and have her breast removed so she could reach some earthly material goal.
So there’s some RADICAL HONESTY for you.
Until next time much Love and quit lying, it will make the world a better place.
I must warn you though you will lose a lot of friends. It’s not “comfortable” to be around someone honest and real. Remember people are taught to lie from a young age so that people will like them.
Therein lies the problem….
Therein lies the problem….
I said that twice to hammer home “lies” the problem.
Lies are the problem.
Much Love and be real.