Learning to Love Yourself:
This has been an interesting last couple of months. Man oh Man it has.
In the last 19 years of my life I have been in relationships in one form or another.
Last year after I ended an 8 month relationship that I learned a lot from I made a commitment to myself to stay single for awhile and develop a clear set of new goals.
From the age of 20 to 30 I had 5 long term relationships that lasted on the average a couple of years each. The relationships were not always easy but I look back at them very positively and I definitely would not change a thing because I learned so much from them.
Because of the work I put into intimacy and on working on being the best I could be during the 10 year run of 5 primary relationships I made some good friends in the professional arena of relationships. Friends like Dr. Millie Johnson and Dr. Blase Harris.
Millie and me used to role play during our psychology sessions. She would be the woman in my life and we would work through intense situations that come up in most relationships. Those cute little things like jealousy, resentment, anger and other controlling based behaviors.
Dr. Johnson was a great Mentor to me and she saved me from marriages a couple of time that would have certainly ended in divorce. I ended up developing a competence in relationships that lead to a lot of confidence that drastically improved the quality of my life. A lot of people are ashamed to admit they seek professional help and are secretive about it. Not me, I love it and I used to try and bring my girlfriends to some of the sessions.
As you can imagine this went over like a Led Zeppelin and this was the first indicator to me how scared people are about honesty and how vulnerable it makes them feel.
I still stay in touch with Dr. Johnson and we write letters to each other from time because it is important to me to have great teachers and mentors in my life.
Shortly after graduation Dr. Johnson retired and I ended up re-reading a book I had read in college entitled How to Win Your Lover Back by Dr. Blase Harris.
I had decided I wanted to win back a wonderful Lebanese Girl I had broken up with because I loved her. It took the breakup to realize this and she was very leery of me because rightfully so she was protecting her heart.
Things got so intense that I called up information in Hawaii, found Dr. Harris office and called up and begged him to take me as a phone client. Luckily for me he did. You see I live in Texas and there was no way I could go to Hawaii for sessions every week.
These sessions were the most heart-opening intense therapy I had ever been exposed to.
You see when your significant other is freaking out, it is often due to subtle things you are doing that you are not even aware of. Blase calls this the blind spot and boy I had a lot of them. He even helped me work through my narcissism.
In Greek Mythology which is extremely prophetic, there is the tale of Narcissus who was staring at his reflection in the water.
In the tale told by Ovid, Echo, a nymph, falls in love with a vain youth named Narcissus, One day when Narcissus was out hunting stags, Echo stealthily followed the handsome youth through the woods, longing to address him but unable to speak first. When Narcissus finally heard footsteps and shouted “Who’s there?”, Echo answered “Who’s there?” And so it went, until finally Echo showed herself and rushed to embrace the lovely youth. He pulled away from the nymph and vainly told her to leave him alone. Narcissus left Echo heartbroken and she spent the rest of her life in lonely glens, pining away for the love she never knew, until only her voice remained.
Eventually he became thirsty and went to drink from a stream. As he saw his reflection, he fell in love with it, not knowing that it was him. As he bent down to kiss it, it seemed to “run away” and he was heart broken. He grew thirstier but he wouldn’t touch the water for fear of damaging his reflection, so he eventually died of thirst and self love, staring at his own reflection. The narcissus flower grew where he died.
It is my experience now and I believe this from the bottom of my heart, that when you have someone in your life that you think is crazy and impossible to live with Look in the mirror. Look at your own reflection. I have been doing a lot of this my self lately.
There is a great TV show called the Dog Whisperer where this brilliant guy Cesar Millan works with all these problem dogs. Cesar has gone on the record several times to say unequivocally 100% of the time it is not the dog. It is the owner.
You see the people that are the hardest to love are the ones that need it the most. Like Jesus said When you remove the speck that is in your own eye, then you will see well enough, to remove the speck in your friends eye.
All of my work with Millie and Blase gave me the strength to attract very high quality women in my life. In the year 2000 I had 3 girlfriends at the same time. I was honest about it and I did not lie to them. I was horrible at managing the situation because it was new to me. The important thing to me was to be honest about it and transcend the manipulation and dishonesty that was the modus operandi of 96% of all of my friends and peers relationships.
Dishonesty and cheating to me has always been the lowest of the human behaviors. Not that I haven’t done it. I have, and this is precisely why I know how it feels. “Even a wise man, dabbles in a fool’s paradise.” When I reached this point in my life Blase recommended a book to me entitled Radical Honesty by Dr. Brad Blanton.
If you have never read this book, it is not for the weak of heart. I read it and it changed my life. I have been working on the goal of Radical Honesty ever since.
In the year 2000, one of the girls I was dating at the time, who was significantly younger than me, surprised me. I think the fact that she was younger and curious with eyes wide open to the world did it. I ended up growing to love her. And I grew into love with her.
You noticed I didn’t say fall in love, I do not believe in falling in love. I believe we are responsible for our own emotions and I took responsibility for this decision.
Those of you that know me; know I do not throw around the word love lightly. At this point in my life I had told 3 women that I loved them.
My Mom was one and the other two; I got engaged to.
I ended up dating this girl for 7 years and it up to that point was the most rewarding relationship in my life. The relationship was respected by a lot of my friends and peers and is still something I am proud of to this day. I loved her and I still do.
When you love someone, set them free; the nice thing about having choices is you can make a wise decision.
Most of my guy friends ascribe to this thing I call the fly paper method Who ever comes and sticks along to them in a club or their social circle; they will try and make into a relationship.
Some of this that follows is going to get a little blunt so get ready. You might want to take a break and get a shot of tequila or a cigarette.
You know what most guys criteria for a girl is?
Two tits, a hole and a heart beat.
They basically play Russian roulette with their penis.
They have no criteria and no rules and zero qualification short of rather she is hot. I have noticed so much of this in the last few years that it has been disheartening.
When it boils down to it, women are not that hot. It’s an illusion my friends.
Let me explain this to you.
In nature, who is the fairer sex?
The Male or the female?
Think about it, across the board it is the male. Here are myriad examples; The Lion, The Peacock, The Cardinal and I could go on and on and on.
Women are beautiful creatures, don’t get me wrong and I love them. It’s just you chumpy guys need to quit putting them on a pedestal and idolizing them.
When you do this, you fail to realize your own intrinsic value.
Want more proof, here is a question for the guys; how long do you spend getting ready?
How long does a woman spend getting ready? Some of my girlfriends, easily 2 hours.
Have you ever seen some of these so called “Hot Chicks” without make up; i.e; Pam Anderson, Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz and Carmen Electra. It’s freaking spooky man!
That’s why they call it “makeup” What are they “making up” for? Think about it…
The Enquirer publishes these photos from time, have a look at them. Tape a few to your mirror to help yourself remember.
You see I am not knocking women or men for example. I am just being honest and telling you. Quit putting each other on a pedestal and seeking all this validation.
When you start to be honest you lose a lot of friends. Like my good friend says. It is lonely at the top in the upper 4%. He is not the only one that said that.
I have seen it in my own research was has been extensive as well as the research of one of my mentors John Aruzian.
96% of the U.S. Population is coming from LSE (Low Self Esteem) in their relationships. They have no standards or rules and are basically stimulus response junkies and energy vampires seeking a quick fix from the validation of seeking approval.
Do you know what the ultimate representation of a Narcissist is? A Vampire
These are what the aforementioned validation seekers, stimulus response junkies and energy vampires bring to the table. Their insatiable need for artificial energy is a bottomless pit. Like I said before the myth of vampires was originally modeled on the human pathological narcissist. There is a great parallel to this in astronomical science as well.
When celestial bodies elevate to a level not self-sustainable they create vacuums around them that feed off and destroy surrounding celestial bodies.
This is why interacting with a narcissist leaves you feeling lifeless.
I highly suspect that is why there is such an obsession with all these Vampire themed TV shows and movies we see these days. Shows like “Twilight” and “True Blood” People can relate to these shows because they reflect and relate to the level of “vampish” energy in our very own world.
I have had several good friends of mine ask me lately. Well Eric, if you know so much about relationships, why don’t you have a girlfriend
Great Question, it has to do with all of the above and more.
I am 39 years young, I am believe in Honesty, Trust, and Respect.
I am talented, funny and I come from a great family. I also have one of the greatest circle of friends on the planet. I do what I love for a living, I have never been married, I have no children and I am financially independent.
You know what that makes me, a commodity. I am the prize and definitely a part of 4% of the population. So there is your answer.
I am not going to settle for mediocrity and play Russian roulette with my penis.
It’s better to shoot for the stars and land in the mud, than shoot for the mud and reach your goal
In the last several years of my life I have passed on more women than most guys are with in a lifetime. It wasn’t always easy and a few of my friends still think I am crazy and wonder how I do it. Its easy now, been there done that, end of story.
Bring me a higher Love.
Happiness is simple and if you love your self. Loneliness is not a problem. Loneliness just means you don’t like yourself.
It is a right of passage you see. If Narcissus would have known himself he would have realized that was his reflection in the water. He didn’t so he fell in love with the image and had nothing to offer Echo.
There’s the lesson.
You want to be happy? Love yourself. Spend sometime alone for once and get to know yourself. Stand naked in front of the mirror. If you don’t like what you see; do something about it. Here are 3 things to remember and say to your self
1.I am loved
2. I accept my self completely and fully exactly as I am
3. I choose to be alive, rather than just live
So many of us sell ourselves short and fail to see how valuable we are.
When I started being honest all the time I started to notice that one of two things would happen. People would either admire me or fear me.
96% of the time the latter.
A few friends of mine warned me this would happen. So be it. I am going to say it again!
Better to shoot for the stars and land in the mud, than shoot for the mud and reach your goal. (Thanks Grandma, I know you are up there reading this)
Before I go I want to leave you with a story. I have a friend, a very dear friend. Out of respect I won’t mention her name here. She comes from a great family and has a college degree and more friends than most people meet in a lifetime.
She is beautiful intelligent and talented and has the potential to be a singer easily!
She has spent the last 10 years of her life working in bars and as a waitress.
All the while dating LSE guys with no direction in their lives.
She even thinks that a guy I trained to meet girls, (her specifically by the way.) Is someone that me and my friends want to be like and look up to. A guy that originally had good intentions but succumbed to the pitfalls of all the stuff we have explored in this article.
He walked her out to the car at my home one evening and when he tried to kiss her she turned the cheek and refused his advances. He came inside devastated and I felt his pain and showed him what to do to get the girl. He got the girl but never staid the course to learn to love his self and relied on being a jerk and using drugs and alcohol to get women instead of honesty, trust and respect.
Ever seen the shirt that says Beer, helping people have sex since 1842? or whatever.
96% of the population Folks.
In some weird way my friend thinks this is something I would look up to. I love to help people and I hate to see people suffering so if I think I can help I give advice.
This girl does not realize her self worth and it has held her back. She is a major catch and an incredibly beautiful, intelligent and full of passion.
However with great abilities, come great responsibilities and there lies my dilemna.
I am starting to be a lot more careful who I give advice to. Talk is cheap.
So if you are reading this and have hung in there this long, I feel you and stay the course.
Realize the commodity that you are!
Don’t sell yourself short!
Shoot for the stars!
This goes for all you ladies out there as well. I was picking on the guys a lot in this newsletter. But the story at the end is to remind the ladies as well as all of us.
I am working with a mentor right now in my life that is one of the most inspiring and empowering individuals I have met in this lifetime. And I know some Heavy Cats
I will not reveal his name as of yet because we are working on a project together. I want to help bring the brilliance of this mans work to the forefront so stay tuned. He has an ability to break things down and keep it real simple. Here are 3 of his rules.
1. Do not worry about what other people are thinking.
2. Do not forget rule #1
3. Remember you are the Prize.
Until Next Time,
Much Love and like Ozzy says;
I Love you all