All You Need Is Love

February 14th, 2013 Posted in Uncategorized

love

Musicians, artists and poets have been writing about love since the beginning of our times. In my humble opinion love is the only thing worth dying for.

Since today is Valentines day I wanted to post a few thoughts that I have come across that help me immensely in staying centered in my relationships.

We have a tendency as humans to over complicate things and over think them. Happiness and love are very simple if you adhere to a few sound principles that have stood the test of time.

1. Love Yourself- Be kind to yourself. If you do not love yourself you bring nothing to another person except neediness.

If you truly think about it every single human emotion can be broken down into either love or fear. Jealousy equals fear, for example fear of loss. Anger is a fear based emotion, often based in not having control. Resentment is completely fear based. So you see I make it a point to make my decisions based on love. Here are three profound precepts a good friend of mine that specializes in helping couples developed.

1. Do not worry about things going well, just keep loving your significant other.

2. Remember in love you are always put in what seems like an unsolvable problem.

3. Remember this- What would you do if you were not scared about whether or not your lover is backing off?

There is a great, brilliant gentleman named John Gottman. He wrote a book it is called Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last
This book should be the text of a required course and be taught in high schools in my opinion. It carefully and counter intuitively debunks and demonstrates the principle foundation required to have a loving, sharing, caring relationship that stands the test of time. John and his graduate students meticulously have researched successful marriages for over 40 years and he can predict with a 93% accuracy rate whether a couple will divorce. He has gone on the record saying that he could get it to 100% accuracy if people would not lie.

Here are 4 things he recommends to avoid that are detrimental to love. He calls them the 4 horsemen.

1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3. Defensiveness
4. Stonewalling

It is not always easy to say what we feel and do what we love. It can make us feel vulnerable and cause us to put up walls and shields.

Just remember sometimes…

The best defense is no defense at all.

Much love,

Eric


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